Although our desire to connect with others is innate - we all have it - many people experience a keen sense of loneliness. By definition, man is a social being, which is why this subjective perception of loneliness is a constant source of dissatisfaction and in turn becomes also a cause of isolation. If we add the social isolation to which we have more or less been subjected in the last year and which has left some traces, the result is a very complex one. This and its solution are the subjects of this article.
The insidious and dangerous appearance of loneliness
In the recent months, I have noticed an increase in problems such as anxiety, insomnia, or the difficulty of coping with stress in many people during this period, whether they are men or women, children or adults - as an effect of isolation, loneliness, and physical distancing.
When there is a lack of human contact, not only the mental and emotional state worsens but the physical one as well. Studies show that loneliness is more dangerous than obesity and that it can trigger, for example, diseases such as type 2 diabetes or cardiovascular diseases. This is not about living alone - because statistics at the European level show, for example, that 40% of women over the age of 65 live alone, or that the overall percentage of single inhabitants in the Scandinavian countries is well above other countries; so, it is not the fact that you live alone that can make you ill, but the subjective perception of loneliness. It does not depend on the country or age, because it is common for example among the younger generations, where about 80% of generation Z and 70% of the generation of millennials say that this feeling is not unknown to them - although they are the most connected and interconnected ... at the expense of direct human interaction.
Loneliness is contagious
An extensive study conducted a few years ago shows that smoking, overweight, and loneliness are contagious. This is because emotions are the ones that are contagious. We "contaminate" each other with emotions. For example, if you have just had a knee operation, you are not going to play football, but you are waiting to heal first; if you have a very weakened immune system, you take remedies to strengthen it and do not expose yourself to disease; and the same with loneliness: the moment you become aware of it you begin to take small safe steps to transform it instead of bringing sadness, pressure, fear to those around you thus increasing its pressure.
Creative and constructive solitude
However, the solitude of medium or short periods is welcome, because it creates the framework in which we can work focused, think deeply, can rest or recharge our batteries carrying out an activity that we like or, even if we do not have the right framework, we can simply work on our self-knowledge. The difference between this state and loneliness associated with melancholy, sadness, and depression is that it is creative and constructive.
The subjectivity of the perception of loneliness
Being alone and feeling alone are two totally different things. You can spend a lot of time alone but not feel the oppressive loneliness, just as you can only have an hour in which you do not talk to someone and you are overwhelmed by a heartbreaking state of loneliness, lack of confidence in yourself and others.
The perception of loneliness also varies on the stage of life we are in. What at 20 was an expression of loneliness, at 35 is a source of regeneration, and at 65 a framework for meditation and deepening self-perception, or in another order.
The solution: transforming oppressive loneliness into constructive solitude
But when the social distancing imposed from the outside triggers a state of loneliness and it no longer depends on us, and even now after the relaxation of external conditions we notice its traces, the solution is to transform oppressive loneliness into a constructive solitude that will create the premises of an overflow in our lives. Confusing, isn't it? But sometimes you have to fight fire with fire! Let me explain how!
Loneliness creates the framework for self-knowledge and self-control and is a real chance because we detect exactly the nuances of what we feel, think, and want. Therefore, we must not fear loneliness, but first, accept it as a passing period of our lives meant to facilitate a better knowledge of ourselves. Maybe we will realize that we want to become gentler and loving, or more energetic and athletic, that we want to criticize others less, or that we do not want to complain all the time by adding weight and pressure to our discussions; maybe we want to become more open-minded, try new things, meditate more deeply, or pray. No matter what the message is, that loneliness reveals to us, it is only necessary to want to understand it because through it we will get out of that oppressive and hard loneliness, making it creative and bright for us. And this state will become the safe and stable basis of our development because once we know what we want in our lives we can make a proper plan for ourselves to get where we want.
If you need help and guidance in the life situations you face, in the transformation of oppressive loneliness into a creative solitude, and in outlining your plan for achieving your chosen goal, contact me for a coaching session!
I wish you good luck and I am looking forward to meeting you!
